The Season is Upon Us- Part 2- Others' Expectations of Us

Now that we have explored the expectations we hold toward other people, it may be helpful to look at others’ expectations for us. For many of us, it is necessary to set aside others’ expectations and honor what makes us feel positive about ourselves.  We can choose to engage in activities that create feelings of peace and well-being.

The following ideas can be helpful:

Create Options- It may be necessary to let go of the ‘all or nothing’ mindset and look at our options.  We can spend some time at a family gathering and then designate time to fulfill our own needs/wants.  We  do not have to cancel plans entirely, just leave some time free to engage in less stressful activities.  If we are obligated to entertain guests at our own home, we need to explore what would make us feel less frustrated and more able to enjoy the moment.  We could cook and hire a server, we could have food catered, or serve a buffet of appetizers rather than have a sit-down meal.  It is important to keep this in mind- if an activity creates more anxiety, self-criticism, or anger than we can tolerate, we have the right to say ‘no’.

Take a Time-out- For some of us, certain people ‘push our buttons’ and do not always bring out the best in us. These are individuals we need to interact with in small doses.  We can do this by taking small breaks throughout the gathering- visit the restroom, take a short walk outside, find a quiet spot inside or out and refocus.  We can take some deep breaths or repeat a positive affirmation to ourselves.  If we might not remember it, we can write it down and keep it in our pocket or purse.  It can be one or two words or one or two sentences.  It should help us reconnect with what is positive about us and be in the affirmative.  Here are some examples:

“I will let go of others’ expectations”

“I have worth regardless of what I accomplish in the day”

“I can take it one day at a time or one minute at a time”

“I do know what is best for me”

“I will keep the focus on myself”

May we all be open to the possibilities of the season, do what creates a sense of well-being, and share that with others.