Tuesday, January 27, 2015

How Self-Care Leads to Self-Discovery

Self-care is an essential element of self-discovery. A large part of self-care is engaging in activities that interest and inspire us.  These activities may utilize our skills, talents, knowledge, and values.  Just taking a risk to try something new demonstrates a degree of courage and the willingness to learn.  Some of us may feel unmotivated and ‘stuck’ in a rut of daily tasks to get through.  Others of us may have been taught that hobbies are for the young and do not reflect adult behavior.  Still others may believe there is nothing that will interest them and/or do not remember ever having a specific hobby/interest in life. 

So, how do we find activities that interest us? 

Here are some helpful guidelines:


1.       Be okay with not knowing. You do not have to be sure you are truly interested in an activity before you decide to pursue it. You can remind yourself that the purpose of pursuing it is to discover whether it is interesting/inspiring.  It is important to develop patience with yourself.  It may take several tries before finding an activity that suits you.


2.       Revisit the past. It can be helpful to think about what you spent most of your time doing as a child, preferably before the age of 6.  The goal behind this is to reconnect with the true self at a time when you were less preoccupied with self-judgment and societal norms that become firmly planted in our consciousness by school age.  These are norms which tell us things like:  such and such is a boy’s activity and vice versa or the other girls in your school are learning this, so you will, too or your sibling was good at this, you will be as well.


It can be natural to overlook an activity, thinking it is ‘silly’ or cannot possibly have relevance to adult life, however, when we look beyond the obvious, we find that any activity can have value on our path to self-discovery.  Ask the following as it relates to a childhood interest:


·         Is it a group/team or lone activity?

·         In what environment does it take place?  (outdoors, indoors, stage, noisy, quiet)

·         What type of energy does it primarily utilize?  Physical, Mental, or Emotional

·         What talents/skills does it help to develop? Visual (drawing, painting, arranging elements in a pleasing way) Kinesthetic (dancing, sports) Auditory ( playing, listening, creating music) Logical (puzzles, legos, mazes, strategy games) Language (reading, writing, word games)

A good example of reconnecting with a childhood interest involves a young man who would, as a child, spend hours at a time arranging action figures for various battles, ‘peace talks’, etc.  This evolved into an interest in action movies, then an interest in the behind-the-scenes process of film-making which ultimately led to a career in directing.  This career utilizes the ability to ‘arrange’ actors, scenery, and dialogue.  Another example is a young woman who, as a child, would ‘play house’ for hours with others and develop elaborate storylines about each pretend family member.  This ability/interest evolved into the activity of story-writing.


3.       Let go of being good at something. You can experience benefits from an activity just by engaging in the process itself, regardless of the outcome.  When you are too focused on doing it right or being the best, you can miss an opportunity to feel relaxed, fully present, tuned in to your body, and inspired.


May we all find the motivation to continue on our path of self-discovery, celebrating the process of our seeking rather than the end result only.