Practicing Healthy Detachment in Relationships- Part3 -Using the Tools

Now that we are able to recognize our own need/desire to make someone else different than who they are, we need to accept that what we are doing in order to change the other person is not working.  There is a another approach. When we stop reacting and stop taking on someone else’s ‘stuff’, the other person is then able to focus on their own actions/thoughts/feelings without being distracted by our demands and expectations.  The result is that both parties become better able to keep the focus on themselves and positive change is more likely to occur. This is healthy detachment.

The following tools can help us to practice healthy detachment:

Set and maintain boundaries- It is important not to engage in ‘verbal tennis’ with another person.  There is nothing to be gained by throwing accusations back/forth or constantly defending ourselves.  We can tell the other person that we are not comfortable discussing the matter and need to either, move on to another topic or take a break and speak at a later time.  We need to be clear and direct.  Sometimes, words are not effective.  We may then need to take action and end the conversation by walking away or putting the phone down.

Give information only-  It can be helpful to express what we think/feel with the intention of giving another person information about us, not to influence his/her thoughts, opinion, perspective, etc.  Say something once and then let it go.  We are less likely to feel frustrated and resentful if our goal is to simply put the information out there and not expect the other person to ‘get it’ or accept it.  If the person does not get it’, there will probably be another opportunity in the future to express it at a time when he/she is more ready to hear it.

Respect the journey-  Each person has their own path toward peaceful and healthy living.  We cannot speed up, slow down, or stop someone else’s journey.  Wherever someone is situated on their journey is where he/she is supposed to be.  We have our own path. Sometimes, part of our journey is to become better at practicing healthy detachment in our relationships.  By doing so, we may come to feel a sense of gratitude for the relationship as we embrace the challenge and begin to gain control over our own lives.

May we strive to embrace opportunities to practice healthy detachment in our relationships and, by doing so, bring peace and fulfillment to ourselves and others.

Feel free to share your own opportunities to practice healthy detachment in relationships by posting a comment below.