Accepting Help from Others- Part 2- How Givers Benefit

For those of us who become anxious about accepting assistance and who tend to avoid ‘bothering’ others, it is important to understand that our helpers benefit when we accept their assistance graciously and express heartfelt gratitude. 

Empowerment- When we are exposed to an individual or group of individuals who are struggling and in crisis, we may feel compassion, sadness, empathy.  These emotions can motivate us to carry out acts of kindness.  When our efforts are ‘blocked’ by another person’s refusal to accept help, we often feel helpless and ineffective.  When individuals accept assistance, they are empowering the giver as well as themselves.  Stephen Covey, best-selling author of the book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” calls this a WIN-WIN situation. 

Mind/Body Health- We now know that giving to others affects brain chemicals in a healthy way.  When an exchange of kindness takes place between individuals, serotonin, the chemical which boosts our mood, is increased for both the giver and the receiver.  Endorphines are released as well, which help us to feel pleasure and decrease our sensitivity to pain.  All of this leads up to a healthier immune system.  When we accept help from others, we offer the givers an opportunity to experience mind/body health.  To read more on this, check out Wayne Dyer’s book, “The Power of Intention”.

Increased Social Network- Very often, the most sincere and timely assistance comes from people we hardly know or have a limited acquaintance with.  Offering assistance shows care and concern and can be a way for someone, who is unsure of themselves or the status of a relationship, to initiate a connection.  Accepting help from these individuals offers the givers, as well as ourselves, the opportunity to develop a brand-new relationship or to deepen an existing one. 

May we all embrace opportunities for exchanges of kindness to happen and the chance to deepen our faith in and our compassion toward other human beings.

 

 

 

Overcoming Resistance to Change- Part 2- How Resistance Expresses Itself

Now that we have explored the emotional blocks that can hinder change in our lives, it is important to identify the ways in which our resistance expresses itself.  In order to work on getting unblocked, we need to become more aware of when resistance occurs.

HERE ARE SOME SIGNS THAT CAN INDICATE RESISTANCE:

Consistent use of the phrase “I know”- When we are unhappy or dissatisfied with our present circumstance, we often complain to other people, venting our frustration.  Consequently, our listener often interjects with a suggestion or encouragement about how we might make a change.    If we automatically respond with “I know”, but really don’t, this can be a way of avoiding further talk of change.  We may also truly know about what the other person is suggesting, but have not been able to act on it.  This can signify the conflict, described in the previous chapter, between our intellectual functioning and our emotional readiness to enact change.

Creating Obstacles- Whenever we step outside of what is familiar, we encounter ‘newness’.  However, our perception of what is new directly influences our ability to take a step.  Do we interpret the unfamiliar as an obstacle to achieving our goal or as a challenge which will ultimately help us to learn a new skill, develop a new talent, or add to our existing knowledge? When we learn about ways to change our situation for the better, do we find obstacles to each action?  Obstacles very often validate our fear of change and become reasons not to move forward.

Over-researching/Over-preparing- It can be beneficial to gather information and resources prior to making a change in our circumstance, however, when this step extends past a reasonable period of time, we may be avoiding making progress toward our goal. There comes a time to take action whether we feel prepared or not.  It can be helpful to establish a specific time frame as we move toward change.   

Any act of change requires an element of faith- in ourselves, other people, and the universe.  We can never know if a certain step will change our lives for the better if we do not act.

**This post can help us to think about the way our own resistance shows itself. If you would like to share your thoughts and reactions, feel free to post a comment below.

In the next chapter, we will look at ways to work through our fear in order to move forward.

Accepting Help from Others- Part1- How Receivers Benefit

For many of us, accepting help from others can be a challenge. A crisis can trigger feelings of helplessness and vulnerability. Allowing others to help us can cause us to think we are ‘in debt’ to another person or in a ‘one-down’ position.  Due to this, we may deny ourselves any form of assistance.  Struggling through crisis by ourselves can give us a sense of control over a situation, however, in the long run we often end up feeling isolated, emotionally disconnected, and even more helpless.  Accepting help is an important way in which we take care of ourselves. 

HERE ARE WAYS THAT ACCEPTING HELP BENEFITS US:

Connection- When we accept help from others we are practicing cooperation and working together within our community of friends/neighbors/family.  Connecting with others fosters a feeling of empowerment, gives us hope, and helps us to keep our perspective.  When in crisis, many of us develop tunnel vision, viewing our situation in a narrow way which can prevent us from seeing options.  Other people can give us a different perspective when they are situated outside the crisis and looking in. If we are in a crisis of a more global nature, connection to others is just as important as we lean on one another for support, validation, and understanding.  This relates to the ‘all in the same boat’ concept where everyone is on equal ground. 

Humility- Accepting help from others can connect us to our spiritual selves.  A fundamental element of any spiritual practice is to be humble, acknowledging that we cannot know it all or do it all ourselves.  We are part of a greater whole- a link within the chain of our families, neighborhoods, earth, and the universe.  When we see ourselves from this perspective, we can be more open to the exchanges between links which are necessary for surviving and thriving in our world.

"Just as water cannot collect on mountain peaks, so good qualities and blessings cannot gather on the rocky peaks of pride."- Geshe Kelsang Gyatso's Transform Your Life: A Blissful Journey.

In the next chapter, we will look at how givers benefit when they offer help to others.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Accepting Help from Others-Introduction (Facing the Aftermath of Hurricane Sandy)

Many of us who struggle with issues of codependency experience emotional discomfort when faced with a situation in which help from others is necessary.  We may feel we are inconveniencing, annoying, or overstressing other people.  We may believe that we should be able to do it all ourselves and that accepting help means we are weak individuals. It is important to remind ourselves that we are all responsible for taking care of ourselves and, very often, this does require some form of assistance, whether it be emotional, informational, physical, or spiritual.

This blog has highlighted self-care as an essential part of getting unstuck in our relationships and our lives so that we can achieve our goals.  In the next chapter, we will explore how accepting help benefits the receiver in several ways.