Self-Gratitude

“Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best.”

                                                                                                                -Henry van Dyke

For some of us, the holiday season brings to the surface feelings such as loss, loneliness, and regret as well as the tendency to compare ourselves to others.  We may feel that we are lacking and that others are living much more abundant lives. One of the ways to counteract these thoughts and emotions, which can truly dampen our spirits, is to practice gratitude. Gratitude injects us with positive energy that boosts our physical and emotional resiliency so we are better able to weather the challenges that come up. One way to practice gratitude is to focus on the external gifts in our lives, like, material comforts, awards/recognitions, and relationships within our families and communities, however, it is also helpful to recognize our internal gifts.  Our internal gifts are an integral part of our core selves.

These internal gifts include:

Wisdom- knowledge gained from processing and then reflecting on life experiences

Formal skills- procedural behaviors learned through schooling and mentorship

*Natural abilities/talents- logical, visual, auditory, physical, literary, interpersonal, intrapersonal

Helpful Habits- daily actions/self-talk that make up our self-care routine

When we become thankful for our own internal gifts, we are able to recognize and accept our true worth. This stimulates our ability to self-motivate and to work toward our goals. When we self-motivate we are more likely to engage in activities and embrace experiences for the intrinsic reward rather than the external one. This intrinsic reward becomes more tangible when we devote our time and energy to those activities which utilize our internal gifts.

Self- gratitude extends outward.  We may end up recognizing that many of our internal gifts are the direct result of our interactions with other people:  the person who taught us the skill, encouraged our natural talent, modeled emotional resiliency and self-care, or gave us the support and personal space to process and learn from our life experiences.

*A full description of natural talents is offered in the book, 7 Kinds of Smart by Thomas Armstrong.

May we all practice self-gratitude, progress on our life path, and be the best version of ourselves at each stage of the journey.

Live and Learn

As a member of this 'information age', you may pride yourself on being a highly-skilled planner and expert researcher, gathering information through google searches, consulting with friends, family members, and professionals, and weighing all the pros and cons before moving forward toward a goal. The truth is, most, if not all, of your learning and personal growth is the result of taking action. Consider the value of 'going with your gut' and diving into an experience. Here are a few reasons why you may be over-preparing:

·         To prevent making a ‘mistake’ or ‘failing’

·         To ensure there are no surprises and, if there are, to be ready for them

·         To eliminate feeling solely responsible for your actions if things do not work out

 All of the above share a common underlying factor-  FEAR.  There is a certain amount of planning that is beneficial to your endeavors, however, when this becomes excessive, you may be allowing fear to take control  and procrastination to set in.

Let's look at 2 common learning experiences for children- swimming and riding a bike.  A child could read many books on these subjects that help to understand how a bike is constructed, the science of motion and types of swim strokes and swimming gear.  None of this will actually help a child to swim or ride a bike.  Knowledge comes, essentially, from doing engaging in the active process. The child's degree of success increases each time the child ‘fails’, reflects on the result, and then makes the necessary adjustments.

These adjustments may be physical, such as shifting body weight or relaxing certain muscles; cognitive, like making connections- i.e. ‘when I move my arms like this, then this happens’; and emotional, such as reducing anxiety or frustration by taking a break and a few deep breaths.

You can also apply this process to building relationships: taking an action and engaging with someone new, then ‘failing’ in certain situations, reflecting on the result, like ‘did this help us to connect more?’ or ‘do I understand his/her perspective better?’, and finally, making adjustments to your words and actions. Ultimately, the only way to learn how to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship is to simply BE in relationship with other people. 

When you step out of your comfort zone and set out to experience a new relationship, skill, or interest it is helpful to be aware of hidden fears.  This awareness can benefit you more than all of the research and advice gathered. In fact, looking inward can be an integral part of the preparation process. 

It is important to remind ourselves that whatever outcome our actions create, there is always something to be learned.

Embracing Joy in the New Year

“What you love is a sign from your higher self of what you are to do.”

                   -          Sanaya Roman (Living with Joy)

Many of us start off the new year full of ideas on how to be more productive, organized, punctual, and successful in our lives.  Behind these resolutions are our best intentions, however, we often overlook the bigger picture.  We can be all of those things listed, but they do not matter if we do not experience enough joy in our lives.  Discovering what brings us joy and taking steps to experience that joy is the foundation for fulfillment.  Essentially, joy is what makes life worth living. 

Here are some ideas to help you embrace joy in the new year:

Be present- When we practice being more in the here and now we are better able to catch ourselves experiencing joy.  Joy can be as fleeting as a single moment and we don’t want to miss it. If we miss it, we miss crucial information about what exactly creates that feeling within us.

Tame Your Expectations-  Many of us strive to be happy all the time and we think we are flawed in some way when we are not.  Joy is not a permanent state.  It is a feeling like any other and feelings come and go.  If joy were a permanent state, it wouldn’t cause us to feel so breathtakingly free and alive when it happens.  Its rarity is what sets the moment apart from all others. 

Redefine success- It is common for many of us to focus on what is tangible and to define success by what we ‘get’ monetarily and materially from an activity or experience.  We can shift our thinking and reach for the goal of achieving joy.  Consider the success of indoor activity centers like Chuckee Cheese and Dave & Busters. One can quickly and easily spend $50 in tokens/chips in order to win a prize that would cost $10 if purchased directly from the store.  If we look at the bigger picture, it is truly the joy of the experience that will outlive the entertainment value of the actual prize.

As adults, we can become bogged down in all that needs to get done.  Taking some time out for joy requires effort and commitment, but if we incorporate the above ideas into our daily routine, we will see that opportunities are all around us.

May we all be open to joy in our lives, believe we deserve it, and take steps to embrace it.