An Exercise in Letting Go

“The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.” 

                                                                                    -Atisha

TO LISTEN TO AN AUDIO VERSION CLICK HERE www.youtube.com/watch?v=hV9cuQeRcZs&t=98s

What does it mean to let go?  Some of us believe letting go is to just stop thinking about a problem.  Others see it as replacing a problem, in the form of a person or situation, with another person or a different situation. However, before we move on, we need to let go. Letting go is, essentially, how we heal.  Healing is made up of layers; heart, mind, body, and spirit.  When we let go we clean out the negative thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that hold us back from achieving what we want in life.  As we go on living, layers of dirt and grime accumulate and, like a drain pipe, the channels of our heart, mind, body, and spirit become clogged with past hurts, losses, and disappointments. It becomes necessary to unclog those channels in order to let go and to heal.

The following meditation can help us take a step in the process toward letting something go in our life.

·         Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet uncrossed and flat on the ground.  Close your eyes and think about the person or situation that you are having trouble letting go of.  Notice any images that arise related to the issue.  What emotion is coming up?  Identify the emotion; fear, anger, sadness, confusion, overwhelm.  Notice where you feel it in your body.  Be aware of any muscle tension, warmth, coolness, heaviness, or tingling.  Give the emotion a color that represents what you are experiencing.  There is no right or wrong color. It just needs to reflect what is happening in the moment.

·         Now imagine a big bubble floating in the air at eye level in front of you.  Take a deep breath in through your nose with your mouth closed.  Exhale through your mouth, forcefully releasing the air.  See it as your chosen color.  Imagine blowing the colored air into the bubble.  See the bubble expand with your colored breath inside.  Continue taking deep breaths and then exhaling into the bubble.

·         After several breaths, pause and notice the degree of emotion you are feeling in the moment.  Notice if anything has changed in your physical body.  Has the sensation moved, lessened, or increased?  Are there any new sensations?  If you feel the emotion has subsided to some degree and you are okay with that, you can proceed to the next step or, if you want to release more, take a few final breaths in and blowing out.

·         When you are done releasing, see in your mind’s eye, the image of the bubble filled with your colored breath.  Imagine taking your finger and popping the bubble, releasing the air.  See the air like colored smoke, floating up and dissipating into the atmosphere until it is completely gone.

·         Now, sit with your back straight and your hands resting on your thighs, palms facing up, fingers relaxed.  With eyes closed, repeat silently to yourself, “I am letting go.  I am receiving healing and freedom from ______________________________.”

                              (Fill in the blank with a specific emotion)

It is important to be gentle with ourselves and to know that, depending upon the intensity and the layers of “dirt”, we may need to practice this exercise more than once.  It may be more comfortable to release little bits at a time, rather than to let the feelings go all at once.  We need to be sure to listen to our inner self, to honor it, and to be fully present in the moment.

May we all practice moments of letting go, embracing a sense of joy and freedom in our relationships.

TO LISTEN TO AN AUDIO VERSION OF THIS EXERCISE CLICK HERE  www.youtube.com/watch?v=hV9cuQeRcZs&t=98s

An Exercise in Mindfulness

"Change your thoughts and you can change your world."

-                                                                       -          Norman Vincent Peale

According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has approximately 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day.  An anxious person could probably double that number.  Since our thoughts affect how we feel, whether we are conscious of them or not, it is beneficial to increase our self-awareness in order to change the thoughts that cause anxiety.

The following mindfulness exercise can help us to do this:

Find a quiet, comfortable place to relax. Make sure there are no distractions and that you are sitting in a supportive position or lying flat.  Rest your hands on your lap or at your sides, palms face up, open to receive feelings of peace and relaxation.  Begin to notice your breath. You do not need to alter your breath in any way. Just notice your chest or abdomen rising and falling.  Notice the air as it enters your nostrils, then as you exhale.  We hold a lot of tension in our face, so consciously try to relax your eyelids and your jaw muscles. 

After taking approximately 10 breaths, turn your attention inward to your thoughts.  See your thoughts as colored autumn leaves floating on the surface of a stream.  Notice how some of the leaves float continuously up the stream, while others swirl around in a circular pattern.  These may be repeating thoughts that play like a record and feed fears and insecurities. With curiosity and no judgment see these leaves in your mind and, one by one, allow them to break out of the circle and float up the stream, being led by the current.

Notice how other leaves are stuck behind a tree limb that juts into the water from the shore. These may be stagnant thoughts that do not serve you but that are so familiar you are hesitant to let go of them.  Again, with curiosity and no judgment, see a great ripple in the stream that stirs the leaves out and away from the limb.  See them bobbing on the surface of the water and then joining the other leaves floating up the stream and into the distance.

When practicing mindfulness, we need to remind ourselves that our brain is always generating thoughts; during sleep, in the form of dreams, even during moments of mindfulness. The goal is not to eliminate thoughts altogether but to simply be aware of them without judgment.

May we all be willing to give ourselves the gifts of peace and relaxation and to practice this on a daily basis.

Social Media- To Distract or Not to Distract Part 2

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky.  Conscious breathing is my anchor."

 
                                                                        - Thich Nhat Hanh

In the last post, we explored how the use of social media can help us avoid uncomfortable feelings, move away from the present moment, and disconnect from our internal world.  It can offer temporary relief from loneliness, self-doubt, sadness, anxiety, and many other blocks to peace/happiness.  As with any activity, it is always helpful to understand our intent behind it.  When we sign on to a social media site, we can ask ourselves- Why am I choosing to utilize my time in this activity?  When the answer is to bring emotional relief, it may be wise to look inward.  It is easy to become dependent upon something external to help us feel safe, at ease, even loved.  This may sound familiar.  What we are talking about is the essence of an addiction. 

There is a saying in mental health circles-  “Addiction is addiction is addiction...”  Truly, any activity can become addictive, from eating food, shopping online, and going to work to taking pain medication or using alcohol/drugs.  The key to defining addiction is to know the intent behind it. With an addiction, the intent is to temporarily relieve us of an unpleasant emotional state.  If the activity does its job, we return to it again and then again until we have given up power over our internal world.  Hence, the 2^nd step in a 12-step program – "Admitted we were powerless over (fill in the blank)".  While there is currently no 12-step group designated to the overuse of social media, its addictive potential should not be dismissed.

Once we have identified our intent to avoid unpleasant emotions, then it is important to maintain our connection to the present moment.  How do we do this?  We can bring our attention to breath and body. 

The following exercise can be helpful:

Sit in a comfortable position, making sure the spine is straight and shoulders back. This opens up the diaphragm, located in the center of the ribcage, so that the breath can flow deeply. 

Inhale through the nose with the mouth closed.  As you inhale, notice the temperature of the air touching your nostrils, then flowing down the back of your throat. 

Exhale through the mouth and notice the warmth of the breath as it moves up from the throat. Notice the sound of the breath as well. 

If you find that your mind is jumbled up with thoughts, images, etc. see a snow globe in your mind’s eye. Imagine this is your mind and the bits of snow are just ‘static’.  See the snow floating downward and settling at the bottom of the globe as if this is the static of your mind settling.

Once the static has settled, see a door or a window in your mind’s eye and watch as it opens.  Imagine you are opening your mind to your innermost thoughts and emotions.  Allow whatever comes up to just come up and simply notice the information without judgement.

It is important to remember that there are no ‘shoulds’ to this practice.  We do not need to control the process, just to be present, open, and observant.  We serve only as a witness to what comes up and can respond with simple curiosity.

Social Media- To Distract or Not to Distract Part 1

“The best way out is always through.”

                                                            - Robert Frost

Many of us find ourselves bored and/or anxious during periods of downtime. We know logically that there are multiple tasks/chores we can engage in, however, we long to feel connected.  For many of us, our habit is to turn on the computer, iphone, ipad, and sign in to a social media site like FaceBook or Twitter.  We peruse the posts and the pics of everyday activities and special events alike. The clock ticks as we become more and more involved in the activity.  Gradually, we become more disconnected from ourselves; unaware of our breath, the sensations in our body, our emotions, our internal world. 

Why is this important? When a person disconnects from his/her self it is often a way to avoid unpleasant emotions.  In the modern world there are so many options for distracting from, turning off, and tuning out.  Emotions occur in the body.  They are generated from the brain and, before we are even able to say, for instance, ‘I am angry…’ or anxious, or sad, etc. our body has already experienced the emotion.  When we are not aware of our bodily sensations, we are unable to hear important messages.  Without knowledge of these messages, we are more likely to pursue an activity or a relationship that will, ultimately, be ineffective in fulfilling our needs.

When we are not aware of internal messages, we can experience symptoms such as:

• Insomnia

• Overeating

• Muscle tension/chronic pain

• Obsessive thoughts

• Difficulty concentrating

 The acts of avoiding, detaching, and distracting are, sometimes, referred to as forms of ‘dissociation’.  This is a protective function of the brain that enables us to endure physical/emotional pain.  It is necessary.  Survivors of sexual abuse often describe their experience in this way-“It was like I left my body and I was watching it happen to someone else.”  This form of dissociation preserves the psyche so that ‘parts’ of us can go on to function in everyday life while the painful emotions, negative beliefs about ourselves, and physical sensations we experienced at the time of the disturbing event, can be contained within a designated part of the self.

We also experience dissociation in less disturbing situations. Many of us have driven somewhere but, when we reached our destination, had no recollection of the actual driving experience.  It was as if we drove on autopilot, our body performing the task at hand, our mind somewhere else.  When we dissociate we are not fully in the present moment.  Like the example of sexual abuse illustrates, dissociation causes us to leave our body, therefore, the key to being present is to reconnect with the physical self.  Our body does not exist in the past or the future.   It is grounded right here and now. 

There are, of course, those exceptional situations in which dissociation is necessary and helpful.  What the use of social media can bring out in us is, not an exceptional situation, but the chronic tendency to avoid uncomfortable feelings.  These may be the very feelings we need to experience in order to get unstuck in our lives and relationships. 

In the next post, we will explore how to bring awareness back to our bodies, and, consequently, our true emotions.