How to Utilize a Dream Box

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

                                                                                                -Napolean Hill

Many of us set goals. Some are short-term and others long-term.  Long-term goals can be challenging in that they require us to sustain a certain level of motivation, determination, and focus over time.  There are many variables in life that can help or hinder us as we work toward a goal. Developing the ability to set and maintain goals is currently a component of the educational system in New York State under Common Core Standards.  It is also a main contributor to success in the workplace. Life is messy and sometimes we are forced to veer off course.  This is okay as long as we return to our original path.

How do we ‘stick’ to our long-term goal?  It is necessary to practice a balance of appreciation for the process and a clear vision of the future.  We can do this by creating a Dream Box.  One does not need to have artistic talent or special knowledge to create their own Dream Box, just a definable goal and an idea of what their dream will ‘look’ like. 

1.       Start with a container.  Anything will work, but some ideas are: tissue box, shoebox, photo storage box, cigar box, plastic cd storage container.  Hint:  the plainer the box, the more potential to make it wholly specific to your dream. 

2.       Make a list.  Write down all of the elements related to your long-term goal.  Ask yourself these 6 questions- Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How? 

Who will you have contact with when you reach your goal? 

What will you be doing? What will be happening? 

When will this goal be achieved?  How old will you be?  Will it take place at a certain time of the year or season? 

Where will you be?  Consider the environment, geographic location, and actual physical space. 

Why is this goal important to you?  Why is it worth making the commitment? 

How will you look and feel? How will you  know that you have reached your final goal?

3.       Gather the elements.  Find things that can represent your  answers to the 6 questions.  They can be store-bought items, mementos, artwork, self-made items, photos, magazine clippings, written affirmations or quotes, to name a few.  There is no right or wrong way to fill your box.  As long as the item represents your final goal and has meaning for you it belongs inside.

4.       Identify.  You can give your box its identity by marking the outside (after all, this is not an ordinary box, but the designated holder of your dream). Decorate with wrapping paper, stickers, drawings, written words, ribbon, newspaper print, photographs, any material that ‘fits’ with your dream.

5.       Utilize. It is most important to utilize your dream box.  When you are struggling through a particular step toward your goal or when you have lost your vision and feel discouraged, set aside some time to go through your box.  Take out each item or element and hold it, read it aloud, really see it by observing closely.  Essentially, you want to experience all of the elements of your dream to make the goal real and alive in the present moment.  This will also help you to stay connected to a sense of hope and possibility.

It is important to view our Dream Box as an ongoing process.  We can consistently add to it, replace/remove items, and even expand to a larger box.  We need to remain active as we progress toward our goal, not just wishing we will reach it, but taking the steps to do so. 

May we all trust in the process and remain hopeful, setting goals for ourselves and working toward achieving them. 

Shedding Old Relationship Behaviors

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit.”

-          Henry David Thoreau

Fall is a time of transition when we store away our garden treasures, welcome back the flavor of spiced pumpkin, and go apple-picking.  Just as we experience a parting in nature when leaves turn color and fall, we experience a parting of old relationship behaviors when we begin to build healthier connections with others. Changing our behavior can create feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, and overwhelm. 

Here are some ways to utilize Fall as an opportunity for thinking about how we manage change and transition. 

Temperature- It takes our body time to adjust to the increasingly colder temperatures.  Some people resist this, wearing flip-flops and shorts into November and refusing to dress in layers.  They often explain, “I don’t feel the cold”.  Others allow their bodies time to adjust.  They dress in layers and shed their clothing as the day progresses, then layer up as the evening chill sets in.  As they do this, they are aware or mindful of their body temperature.  This requires being present, aware of our body, and able to accept‘what is’.  We can apply this to relationships.  As we change our responses to other people and practice new ways of communicating, we benefit from being mindful of a relationship’s emotional ‘temperature’.  Are we feeling ‘cold’ and disconnected, comfortable and at an ‘even’ temperature, or ‘hot’ and overwhelmed/angry?  As we become more aware, we are then able to adjust our behavior to ‘what is’.  This may mean communicating more in order to connect, creating more ‘space’ between us and the other person in order to decrease overwhelm, or letting go and allowing things to unfold in order to decrease frustration.

Shedding- As the transition into Fall progresses, trees shed their colored leaves.  It is a gradual process that takes time.  Natural disasters aside, we do not wake up one morning to discover every tree leaf-less.  This is true of our old relationship behaviors.  We are engaging in a process when we begin to take on new ideas and new ways of being in relationships.  In a sense, we are shedding what is no longer necessary to our growth.  This can be accompanied by feelings of discomfort.  It is important to allow these feelings to surface and to work through them.  It can be hard work raking and gathering our fallen leaves just as it is hard work letting go of unhealthy relationship habits.  It requires us to be present and mindful of the work we are doing and to trust that the buds of our new relationship behaviors will bloom in the near future. 

Just as each season is an opportunity for change and a promise for future growth, each relationship is an opportunity.  May we discover meaning and beauty in each relationship and each season.

Feel free to share your thoughts and reactions by posting a comment below.