Managing Symptoms of Unmet Needs-Part 1-Physical Discomfort

The relationship between our minds and bodies must be taken into consideration when working toward the fulfillment of our needs.  Our bodies can ‘speak’ to us in many ways.  When our lives become unbalanced and our needs are not being addressed, some of us may experience headaches/migraines, back pain, digestive problems, hives, even mouth pain in our jaws or teeth.

There are ways to increase our ability to be ‘in tune’ with our body and to hear what it has to ‘say’:

DEEP BREATHING- Breathing is one of those bodily functions we can perform without thought, however, being aware of and focusing on our breath can be beneficial, both physically and mentally.

This technique can be done either sitting or lying flat. Close your eyes and place both palms on your diaphragm, the space between your stomach and chest.  Breathe in through your nose. As you breathe in, extend/push out your diaphragm, feeling the expansion with your palms. Hold for 3 seconds, then exhale slowly as if you are blowing through a straw. Listen to your breath as you release it, and notice your diaphragm contract. Repeat as many times as you are able or until the body relaxes and your mind is clear.

PROGRESSIVE MUSCLE RELAXATION- This technique can be done either sitting or lying flat on your back. Start at the feet and work your way up. The basic concept is to tense each muscle group, hold for several seconds, then release the tension. 

Let’s use your hands as an example. Take your right hand and squeeze it as tightly as you can into a fist. Hold for the count of five, then slowly open your hand. Repeat this with the other hand. For maximum benefit, when you tense, inhale deeply (see deep breathing) and hold your breath for the count, then as you release the muscle, exhale. Continue with each part of your body, alternating between the left and right sides. 

When trying these techniques, be gentle with yourself.  Pressuring oneself to ‘get it right’ or to experience a specific outcome is often counterproductive.  The goal is to relax the body, refocus the mind, and be in the present moment. 

This can be extremely challenging if our minds are filled with thoughts about past experiences and ‘what if’ scenarios about the future.

The next chapter will explore obsessive thoughts and healthy ways to manage their impact on us.

Managing Symptoms of Unmet Needs- Introduction

In the last blog we touched upon the ‘signs’ or symptoms that let us know when things in our lives are not working for us.  It is hoped that some of us were able to identify how stress and unfulfilled needs negatively impact us. Let’s now address what we can do for ourselves to decrease that impact.  

In the next few weeks, we will explore various tools that can help to manage our symptoms in healthy ways.

Important points to keep in mind:

§  Often the only way to know if something will benefit us is to try it.

§  Every person is unique- not all the tools work for everyone. Find what is right for you.

§  To experience a beneficial outcome, we need to give the tools time. One or two tries may not be enough to make an accurate assessment.

§  There may be feelings of awkwardness/discomfort. This is appropriate when we are taking in new information and trying something unfamiliar.

§  We do not have to do things perfectly in order to experience benefits. We just need to be present and let the process unfold.

Here are the ‘signs’ we will be learning how to manage:

§  Physical Aches/Pains

§  Obsessive Thoughts

§  Sleep Problems

§  Lack of Goal-setting

Next week, we will explore how to manage the physical discomfort that can result from stress and unmet needs.

Designing a Plan To Fulfill My Needs- Part 5- Creating Balance

A person can be in a relationship with someone else and still maintain a sense of self.  What does that mean?  It means having one’s own friends, interests, leisure activities, and career/job path.  Most importantly, it means having one’s own sense of purpose and accomplishment independent of the relationship.  When we have a healthy sense of self, we are able to enjoy experiences without the presence of the other person-  free of guilt or fear that the other person will ‘abandon’ us.

Essentially, what we need to do is to create a balance between our needs and the needs of others in our relationships.

Having a healthy sense of self means knowing what our individual needs are and focusing on how we can fulfill them.  We can then allow others to do the same.  In this way, both parties are free to pursue their goals and to grow within the relationship. 

Eventually, we can bring our outside experiences into the relationship, share our thoughts/feelings about them, and be open to another person’s input.  This adds richness to any relationship and keeps both parties interesting to one another.

 

When we maintain balance, we experience:

·         Increased ability to satisfy our own needs/wants

·         Increased confidence in our talents/abilities

·         Freedom to pursue our dreams and for others to pursue theirs

·         Ability to enjoy our experiences more fully

·         Decreased feelings of resentment and guilt

·         Excitement within our relationships

I hope you have started taking steps toward getting ‘unstuck’, keeping in mind there is no set pace to accomplishing your goals and no step is ever too small.  Here is a quote from the oldest Supreme Court Justice in US history, Oliver Wendell Holmes. He retired from his position at the age of 90 in 1931.

“The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.”