Relationships and the Nature of Nurturing

A healthy relationship is one that demonstrates the ability to change and grow.  We can look at it as a living organism that will not continue to function effectively without nurturing.  The positive effects of nurturing are directly related to the amount of effort we are willing to expend.  It is not enough for us to  feel a relationship is important.  We must act on our desire to achieve mutual fulfillment in our connections with others.

An activity that enables us to demonstrate nurturing is to grow a plant from seed.   It is not so important what kind of seed we choose from simple grass seed to a particular flower or herb.  The main thing is to commit to the task and to be present, mentally as well as physically.  

The steps necessary for growing a plant can be applied to the practice of nurturing our relationships. 

Gather tools/resources-  What do we need  to have in place in order to begin nurturing?  Just as we gather our packet of seeds, potting soil, supply of water, and pot/container, we need to gather our resources. Outer resources can include a session with a professional counselor, a more informal meeting with a close friend or mentor,  or a book, article, or internet blog on healthy relationship-building.  We can access our inner resources through specific activities that help us to be in tune with our inner selves such as, a meditation or self-relaxation practice, journal writing, or an artistic/creative project. What is essential is that we are able to nurtureourselves.  When we feel good about ourselves, we are better able to help others feel good about themselves. 

Seek the best light-  Positive thoughts directly influence how we feel about things.  Just as we need to place our seed container in a spot that offers the best sunlight, we need to see our relationship in the best light.  We can focus on the strengths of the other person and remind ourselves of what truly connects us to him/her.  This also applies to the relationship itself.  We might write down or just spend some time remembering those moments when the relationship felt most balanced and most fulfilling. Just as our little seeds will direct their energy toward warmth and light in order to grow, we must direct our will toward what is positive about each other in order for our relationship to grow toward its full potential.

Check in- It is helpful to remain mindful of the relationship.  If our intention is to help our seeds flourish, we must not leave their container on the windowsill, walk away, and ignore it.  Relationships require consistent care and attention.  It is important to check in with the other person and to actively listen to what his/her needs consistent of.  We then need to share our own needs and some of the ‘light’ that we experience through our connection to this person using either words or actions.

It is important to embrace the beauty of the process in our relationships and to view them as opportunities rather than final destinations. May this blog inspire us to plant the seeds of a new relationship or nurture the seeds of an existing one.

HAPPY SPRING!