Overcoming Resistance to Change- Part 1- Resistance and Fear

What is resistance? It is often the result of a conflict between what one knows on an intellectual level and what one feels emotionally.  How many of us nod and say, “ I KNOW he or she does not make me happy, but….” There is ‘something’ getting in the way of making a change.  It is important to note that very often there are practical obstacles to moving on, like finances, health issues, etc.   It is also important to recognize that many people are as we say, ‘their own worst enemy’.  We need to explore the ‘emotional blocks’ that cause our resistance. The basis of these blocks is very often fear.

Some of these emotional blocks can include:

Fear of failing- We may have been conditioned to view our experiences in ‘black/white’ terms which can make us inflexible and prone to feelings of frustration.  If we define ‘success’ as the achievement of one specific outcome and that outcome does not occur, we are likely to view it as a failure.  However, if we broaden the definition of success to include the demonstration of qualities like determination, creative thinking, and patience, we will be able to focus more on the process of the experience and the amount of effort expended rather than on the end product.  Ultimately, we will feel better about ourselves, learn from our actions, and be more likely to ‘bounce back’ and try again.

Fear of other people’s opinions/reactions to us- It can be a challenge to choose paths that foster our growth when we are in a relationship in which we allow  another person’s expectations to define who we are.  We may fear the person's anger, disappointment, or abandonment if we make a change in our lives.  If we are unhappy or unfulfilled in a relationship, then it is our responsibility to change that.  It is important not to wait for others to change.  We need to focus on the person we can influence the most- OURSELVES. 

Fear of making our own decisions – We may come from a family situation in which we were not trusted to make decisions.  We then interpreted this lack of trust to mean we are not capable, avoided making decisions for ourselves, and were denied the opportunity to learn healthy decision-making tools.  We need to demonstrate to ourselves that we are capable of learning these tools.  Some of us allow other people to make our decisions so that we are not responsible for a negative outcome. When we avoid taking responsibility, we are not only left feeling powerless, but consistently denied a feeling of true accomplishment. 

The first step toward getting ‘unstuck’ is to identify our own emotional blocks.  In order to break through these ‘blocks’ we need to recognize when resistance is being triggered.

 In the next chapter we will discuss what our fear of change might ‘look’ like.