Managing Symptoms of Unmet Needs- Part 4- Lack of Goal-Setting

We need to establish both short- term and long-term goals if we want to experience fulfillment in our lives.  Some of us may have been part of a family where members set goals that were not the right ‘fit’ for them, based on what others told them was ‘right’.  Still others may have set unrealistic goals without the guidance or encouragement to allow both strengths and limitations to inform their choices.  This made it difficult to see options from a more balanced perspective.

Being able to recognize and work with our strengths and limitations is one of the key elements in setting healthy goals for ourselves.  The more knowledgeable we are about our skills, talents, and abilities as well as ‘weak’ or underdeveloped areas, the more realistic our goals will be and the more likely we will reach achievement.

Keep in mind these 2 important principles:

1.  When we gain knowledge of a limitation, we can then take steps to strengthen that part of ourselves, either by taking a course, reading helpful information, or practicing the particular skill more diligently.  It can feel uncomfortable for some of us, even shameful, to recognize where we are limited.  We may have experienced severe criticism in our family when we achieved a less than perfect outcome.  We may hear this criticism repeated in our mind when we even think about working toward improving a certain aspect of ourselves.  It is important to be mindful of the messages we are generating, then, ask ourselves, “Whose voice is it?” or “When/where have I heard this message before?”  Become aware of messages that genuinely ‘belong‘ to us and those that we have been conditioned to tell ourselves and to give importance to.

2.  For some of us, it may not be just uncomfortable to recognize our limitations, but severely anxiety-provoking.  We may have experienced emotional neglect, in which both our strengths and limitations were ignored.  It is important to first recognize what we are skilled at before trying to tolerate the discomfort in addressing limitations.  We may not have been given the message in our family that, as human beings, we all struggle with limitations.  This does not diminish our worth, but reinforces our connection to all of humanity.  Most importantly, every person has some kind of strength- be it a learned skill, an inherent talent, or natural ability. 

Here is a quote from the inspirational resource, One Day at a Time in Al-Anon:

“Perfection is a long way off, but improvement can be made to happen every day.”

This blog is dedicated to helping all of us increase our self-knowledge and self-acceptance as we work toward fulfillment in our relationships and our daily lives.