If asking the question, What Do I Need? is unfamiliar to
you, consider breaking it down into the following: Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How?
WHO- It can be helpful to have someone accompany you. Ensure
it is someone you trust, who keeps you grounded in the present, not triggered
back into the past, or full of ‘what ifs’.
If this is not possible, could you keep in contact with the person via
text message or phone? One of the
symptoms of anxiety is a sense of being disconnected from the environment. This includes not just objects but
people. When you are able to connect
with another, your anxiety will decrease.
WHAT- Identify an object that brings comfort or joy. Some people connect to good luck charms which
can bring a sense of control over worrisome situations. It can be especially helpful to have a ‘kit’
of resources like a tote bag or backpack that contains the things needed to
meet basic needs like water, essential oils for focus or relaxation, snacks, a
notebook to write down and organize your thoughts, or a puzzle book that keeps
the logical part of the brain online. When
emotions overwhelm us, the rational part of the brain shuts off.
WHEN- Know what time
of the day is most soothing to you. Some
people are highly anxious in the mornings as melatonin decreases and adrenaline
increases urging you to start your day.
Create time to practice a tool or activity that emotionally
calms/soothes you prior to the new experience. When anxiety is triggered, the nervous system
becomes highly aroused and the brain secretes stress hormones, like cortisol
and adrenaline. Yoga poses, rhythmic
breathing, a youtube meditation, or brisk walk are just some ways to decrease
this state of arousal. Furthermore,
running behind schedule, in itself, can trigger anxiety. Ensure that you have wiggle
room to accommodate unexpected delays.
WHERE- Know the setup
of the situation and, if possible, visit the location prior to the activity. This will create some familiarity. If you are
able to enter the building/area, make note of an accessible restroom. This can provide a time-out to practice a
relaxation tool, repeat an affirmation or connect to your support person without
being observed by others. Anxiety often
overrides the logical part of the brain, therefore, the less ‘figuring out’ you
need to do the day of, the less draining it will be on your entire system.
WHY- When you are
clear on why you are facing the anxiety-producing experience, you can uncover the
motivation to persist. On the other
hand, if you are proceeding because of feeling pressured by others that you
‘should’ do it, the motivation will be minimal. Purpose is especially helpful when the
situation is one you really do not want to face, however, it would hurt
yourself or others if you did not, such as, having a dental procedure, showing
up for a job interview, or visiting a loved one in the hospital.
HOW- Consider the personal qualities you need to possess,
like courage, persistence, or flexibility.
You can then create a real or imagined visual symbol that represents the
quality. In your mind, see your present
self connected with that symbol, embracing it, holding it in your hands. If you are connecting with a specific character,
look into their eyes and thank them for accompanying you into the experience. It might be helpful to imagine your present
self as that character with the same manner of dress, posture, and facial
expression.
Asking, What Do I Need?, connects you to a sense of self-power
over the inner workings of your mind and body as well as your external
world. Consider this quote by the
writer, Alice Walker, best-known for her book, The Color Purple.
“The most common way people give up their power is by
thinking they don’t have any.”
Keep in mind it is not necessary to answer all of the
questions in order to experience a sense of empowerment over your anxiety. Take the steps you are able to and let go of
the others. Most important of all, be
gentle with yourself.
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