Accepting We Are Not Perfect- Part 2- Using Specific Tools

Striving for perfection can cause us to avoid taking risks and making changes in our lives.  When we decide to take a risk, uncertainty about our abilities and the outcome can trigger anxious feelings.  We may anticipate negative results and attribute them to our own lack of competence. 

The following tools can help to decrease some of our anxiety and maintain confidence in our abilities:

Develop a Plan-  It can be helpful to work ‘with’ our anxieties, letting them motivate us to develop possible scenarios that may result from our actions.  A person can start with a ‘Plan A’, which illustrates the best, most ideal outcome.  If we have worked on our expectations, then we know that we have limited power, and therefore, cannot control every variable in a situation or relationship.  Therefore, we need to create a ‘Plan B’, which illustrates a less than ideal outcome, but one that may possibly occur.  A particularly creative and insightful person may be able to develop multiple plans beyond A or B.  Write them down or discuss them with someone you trust.

Create a Support Network- It is important to have a ‘go to’ person or group of people who are able to listen without judgment or advice-giving and help us remain encouraged in our desire to take a risk.  When we are in a relationship with someone, who we know in our heart will accept us and continue to be connected to us regardless of our imperfections, it boosts our self-confidence and helps us deal more effectively with the outcome of our actions.

Commit to an Affirmation-  Before we begin taking action, it can be helpful to seek out or create for oneself an affirmation that will encourage us and tap into our talents, skills, abilities.  It can be one or two sentences or one or two words.  Place this affirmation in several areas that are part of your daily routine, such as, the car, the bathroom, the refrigerator, or the place where you leave your keys every night.  What we think affects how we feel, so we want to be sure we are counteracting any negative, self-defeating thoughts about our abilities and our desires.

Feelings Are Not Facts-  This concept can free us up enough to create positive thoughts.  It is important to recognize that we are capable of experiencing a wide range of feelings that come and go.  Feelings, by definition, are irrational.  They do not always make sense, therefore, we can feel like something is going to turn out badly or that we are incapable of handling life effectively, but that does not make it is so. 

In the next chapter, we will explore the ability to ‘bounce back’ from our experiences and gain resiliency.