How to Utilize a Dream Box

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”

                                                                                                -Napolean Hill

Many of us set goals. Some are short-term and others long-term.  Long-term goals can be challenging in that they require us to sustain a certain level of motivation, determination, and focus over time.  There are many variables in life that can help or hinder us as we work toward a goal. Developing the ability to set and maintain goals is currently a component of the educational system in New York State under Common Core Standards.  It is also a main contributor to success in the workplace. Life is messy and sometimes we are forced to veer off course.  This is okay as long as we return to our original path.

How do we ‘stick’ to our long-term goal?  It is necessary to practice a balance of appreciation for the process and a clear vision of the future.  We can do this by creating a Dream Box.  One does not need to have artistic talent or special knowledge to create their own Dream Box, just a definable goal and an idea of what their dream will ‘look’ like. 

1.       Start with a container.  Anything will work, but some ideas are: tissue box, shoebox, photo storage box, cigar box, plastic cd storage container.  Hint:  the plainer the box, the more potential to make it wholly specific to your dream. 

2.       Make a list.  Write down all of the elements related to your long-term goal.  Ask yourself these 6 questions- Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How? 

Who will you have contact with when you reach your goal? 

What will you be doing? What will be happening? 

When will this goal be achieved?  How old will you be?  Will it take place at a certain time of the year or season? 

Where will you be?  Consider the environment, geographic location, and actual physical space. 

Why is this goal important to you?  Why is it worth making the commitment? 

How will you look and feel? How will you  know that you have reached your final goal?

3.       Gather the elements.  Find things that can represent your  answers to the 6 questions.  They can be store-bought items, mementos, artwork, self-made items, photos, magazine clippings, written affirmations or quotes, to name a few.  There is no right or wrong way to fill your box.  As long as the item represents your final goal and has meaning for you it belongs inside.

4.       Identify.  You can give your box its identity by marking the outside (after all, this is not an ordinary box, but the designated holder of your dream). Decorate with wrapping paper, stickers, drawings, written words, ribbon, newspaper print, photographs, any material that ‘fits’ with your dream.

5.       Utilize. It is most important to utilize your dream box.  When you are struggling through a particular step toward your goal or when you have lost your vision and feel discouraged, set aside some time to go through your box.  Take out each item or element and hold it, read it aloud, really see it by observing closely.  Essentially, you want to experience all of the elements of your dream to make the goal real and alive in the present moment.  This will also help you to stay connected to a sense of hope and possibility.

It is important to view our Dream Box as an ongoing process.  We can consistently add to it, replace/remove items, and even expand to a larger box.  We need to remain active as we progress toward our goal, not just wishing we will reach it, but taking the steps to do so. 

May we all trust in the process and remain hopeful, setting goals for ourselves and working toward achieving them. 

Shedding Old Relationship Behaviors

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit.”

-          Henry David Thoreau

Fall is a time of transition when we store away our garden treasures, welcome back the flavor of spiced pumpkin, and go apple-picking.  Just as we experience a parting in nature when leaves turn color and fall, we experience a parting of old relationship behaviors when we begin to build healthier connections with others. Changing our behavior can create feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, and overwhelm. 

Here are some ways to utilize Fall as an opportunity for thinking about how we manage change and transition. 

Temperature- It takes our body time to adjust to the increasingly colder temperatures.  Some people resist this, wearing flip-flops and shorts into November and refusing to dress in layers.  They often explain, “I don’t feel the cold”.  Others allow their bodies time to adjust.  They dress in layers and shed their clothing as the day progresses, then layer up as the evening chill sets in.  As they do this, they are aware or mindful of their body temperature.  This requires being present, aware of our body, and able to accept‘what is’.  We can apply this to relationships.  As we change our responses to other people and practice new ways of communicating, we benefit from being mindful of a relationship’s emotional ‘temperature’.  Are we feeling ‘cold’ and disconnected, comfortable and at an ‘even’ temperature, or ‘hot’ and overwhelmed/angry?  As we become more aware, we are then able to adjust our behavior to ‘what is’.  This may mean communicating more in order to connect, creating more ‘space’ between us and the other person in order to decrease overwhelm, or letting go and allowing things to unfold in order to decrease frustration.

Shedding- As the transition into Fall progresses, trees shed their colored leaves.  It is a gradual process that takes time.  Natural disasters aside, we do not wake up one morning to discover every tree leaf-less.  This is true of our old relationship behaviors.  We are engaging in a process when we begin to take on new ideas and new ways of being in relationships.  In a sense, we are shedding what is no longer necessary to our growth.  This can be accompanied by feelings of discomfort.  It is important to allow these feelings to surface and to work through them.  It can be hard work raking and gathering our fallen leaves just as it is hard work letting go of unhealthy relationship habits.  It requires us to be present and mindful of the work we are doing and to trust that the buds of our new relationship behaviors will bloom in the near future. 

Just as each season is an opportunity for change and a promise for future growth, each relationship is an opportunity.  May we discover meaning and beauty in each relationship and each season.

Feel free to share your thoughts and reactions by posting a comment below.

Utilizing An Emotional Diet- Part 4- Release Time

As mentioned in the last chapter, increasing our self-awareness by ‘checking in’ with ourselves is essential to an emotional diet.  Once we are more self-aware we are better able to identify feelings and then engage in activities that allow us to release them in a healthy way.  It can be a challenge to carve out time in our busy schedule to do this, however, ‘release time’ is a necessary part of our emotional diet. 

Here are some activities that can help us to release feelings:

Professional Counseling-  Time spent weekly or bi-weekly with a mental health professional offers a private, supportive, and structured environment in which to not only verbalize what we are feeling, but to express it.  This may involve crying or yelling out our frustrations, essentially, allowing our body to do whatever it needs to do without censorship.  It can be therapeutic when we allow ourselves just ‘to be’ while in the presence of a non-judgmental witness to our pain.

Mutual Support Group-  We can gain ‘experience, strength, and hope’ from sharing with others who are struggling.  This is the foundation of 12-step groups, like Alcoholics Anonymous and the many other ‘anonymous’ groups in the community.  Be aware that support groups today vary in purpose, age, gender, and topic.  They may be described as meetings, workshops, clubs, or committees, however, to be effective as a support group, they should share the same foundation- use of members’ personal experiences to create a sense of purpose and bonding without the presence of a professional to structure and mediate discussions and/or activities.  They are, essentially, run by and for the members.

Physical Exercise-  Our emotions are basically energy churning within us and our bodies let us know when feelings are triggered.  When we are boiling with anger, our blood pressure, respiration, and pulse increase.  When we are filled with fear, blood circulation to our extremities decreases, muscles tense, and our pulse increases.  To release anger or frustration, we can try punching a punching bag or pillow, doing sit-ups, jumping rope, or engaging in a routine activity until we feel physically drained, not just slightly sweaty or tired.  To release nervous energy or anxiety, we can try power-walking, climbing stairs, or progressive muscle relaxation, which involves tensing and relaxing each muscle in a very focused, structured way.   For guidance in this technique, listen to the CD “Letting Go of Stress” by Emmett Miller, MD, available on www.amazon.com.  

When attempting to incorporate ‘release time’ into our emotional diet it is helpful to keep an open mind.  We can’t be certain what type of physical activity will help us until we try it. It is important to focus on the process of learning what works best for us without judging our efforts.  Sometimes, it takes a few tries before we know if something is helpful.

This blog may inspire some of us to begin creating a healthy emotional diet for ourselves. It may have helped others to recognize that they are already utilizing an emotional diet, but would benefit from adding some of the ideas expressed in each chapter.

Utilizing an Emotional Diet- Part 3- Learning Time

According to Wikipedia, our bodies are made up of approximately 642 muscles.  In order to build our muscle we need to challenge it on a consistent basis by engaging in a workout, sometimes pushing our bodies past our expected limit.  It is also necessary to push ourselves in other ways.  What enables us to ‘bounce back’ from life struggles, to problem-solve, and, essentially, to grow as a person, is our emotional resiliency.  Resiliency increases as we encounter new experiences, face the challenges they offer, and allow for some emotional discomfort.

The following ideas can help us to incorporate new experiences into our emotional diet:

Read-  The possibilities are endless when we pick up a book or magazine or explore a blog or article on the internet.  We can discover new information and expand our understanding of the world around us as well as our own views and biases on so many topics. 

Get Active- Take a class or workshop that provides hands-on experience in learning a new skill or expanding on an existing one.  Most community colleges offer continuing education/personal development courses which are time-limited and relatively inexpensive.  We can also support our local community by signing up for an adult education course at our local high school or library.  These courses are generally offered by local residents who possess a particular talent or knowledge and can provide an opportunity to connect with others in our neighborhood.

Explore -  We do not need to take a cruise around the world or visit an exotic location, although these are ways to step outside our comfort zone. Most of us tend to follow the same route to places we visit on a regular basis.  Try taking a different street, exit, or highway to get to the same place.  Explore your own neighborhood by walking or driving down each consecutive block and finding out where it leads to.  Rather than relying on technology, try to utilize a printed map and explore the next town over to where you work or live.

Increasing our resiliency through learning requires stepping out of our comfort zone and, most likely,  making mistakes and learning from them.   We may experience anxiety, however, it is important to remind ourselves that this feeling is appropriate, only temporary, and does not have to stop us from taking a step.  In the words of actor John Wayne, famous for his role as an American cowboy-  “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”

May this blog inspire us to ‘saddle up’ and keep moving forward on our journey.

In the next chapter, we will explore opportunities for emotional release.

 

 

 

Utilizing an Emotional Diet- Pt 2- 'Me' Time

Just as it is important to connect with others, it is necessary to connect with our inner selves and to ‘check in’ as often as possible with our body and our mind to know if we are practicing sufficient self-care.  When we take care of our own needs we are better able to be there for others and to maintain peace and fulfillment in relationships. 

Here are some ways to incorporate ‘me' time into an emotional diet:

Journaling-  There is no one way to journal as long as we are able to transfer our thoughts and feelings into the outer world.  This can be done on paper or a computer.  It is important to focus on the process and not the end product.  Our written expression does not have to be grammatically correct, make perfect sense, or even contain complete sentences.  It is not necessary to share what we have written with anyone. We can tear it up, throw it out, or delete it from our computer when we are finished.  We will know we have achieved our goal when we feel less burdened, stressed, and our minds are clearer.

Meditation/Mindfulness-  It is essential to set aside time that belongs solely to us- time that is quiet, private, and free of distractions.  The more often we are able to do this throughout the week, the more beneficial it will be.   We can close our eyes and sit with our feet flat on the ground and our back straight or lay down on a comfortable surface.  By placing both palms over our diaphragm, we can be mindful of the inhalation and exhalation of breath.  We can then repeat an affirmation to ourselves.  An affirmation can be one sentence or one or two words that help us to let go of worry, be in the present moment, and relax our body.  We need to repeat it to ourselves the same way each time.  It should be positive and in the affirmative.  Example- I WILL let go of negativity rather than, I WILL NOT worry. 

Leisure Activities-  It is helpful to incorporate activities which utilize our strengths, skills, and natural talents into our emotional diet.  These activities help to feed the soul.  If we are unsure what activity to try it may help to think back to childhood and the things that kept us busy and interested- creating with play-doh, crayons, or paint, building model airplanes or cars, constructing with legos, or doing jigsaw puzzles.  When we are nurturing our inner selves there are no age limits.  Maybe we are already engaging in fulfilling activities, but lack clear intent or awareness as to how these activities impact us in a positive way.  It is important to be aware of and then let go of feelings of guilt about ‘wasting’ time while at leisure. The important thing is to be able to focus on the present moment, rev up brain functioning, and have fun. Todd Kashdan, psychologist and contributing author for Psychology Today magazine says that “…playfulness is a fundamental part of a life well-lived.”

In the next chapter, we will explore the importance of stepping out of our comfort zone and learning something new.