Utilizing an Emotional Diet- Pt 2- 'Me' Time

Just as it is important to connect with others, it is necessary to connect with our inner selves and to ‘check in’ as often as possible with our body and our mind to know if we are practicing sufficient self-care.  When we take care of our own needs we are better able to be there for others and to maintain peace and fulfillment in relationships. 

Here are some ways to incorporate ‘me' time into an emotional diet:

Journaling-  There is no one way to journal as long as we are able to transfer our thoughts and feelings into the outer world.  This can be done on paper or a computer.  It is important to focus on the process and not the end product.  Our written expression does not have to be grammatically correct, make perfect sense, or even contain complete sentences.  It is not necessary to share what we have written with anyone. We can tear it up, throw it out, or delete it from our computer when we are finished.  We will know we have achieved our goal when we feel less burdened, stressed, and our minds are clearer.

Meditation/Mindfulness-  It is essential to set aside time that belongs solely to us- time that is quiet, private, and free of distractions.  The more often we are able to do this throughout the week, the more beneficial it will be.   We can close our eyes and sit with our feet flat on the ground and our back straight or lay down on a comfortable surface.  By placing both palms over our diaphragm, we can be mindful of the inhalation and exhalation of breath.  We can then repeat an affirmation to ourselves.  An affirmation can be one sentence or one or two words that help us to let go of worry, be in the present moment, and relax our body.  We need to repeat it to ourselves the same way each time.  It should be positive and in the affirmative.  Example- I WILL let go of negativity rather than, I WILL NOT worry. 

Leisure Activities-  It is helpful to incorporate activities which utilize our strengths, skills, and natural talents into our emotional diet.  These activities help to feed the soul.  If we are unsure what activity to try it may help to think back to childhood and the things that kept us busy and interested- creating with play-doh, crayons, or paint, building model airplanes or cars, constructing with legos, or doing jigsaw puzzles.  When we are nurturing our inner selves there are no age limits.  Maybe we are already engaging in fulfilling activities, but lack clear intent or awareness as to how these activities impact us in a positive way.  It is important to be aware of and then let go of feelings of guilt about ‘wasting’ time while at leisure. The important thing is to be able to focus on the present moment, rev up brain functioning, and have fun. Todd Kashdan, psychologist and contributing author for Psychology Today magazine says that “…playfulness is a fundamental part of a life well-lived.”

In the next chapter, we will explore the importance of stepping out of our comfort zone and learning something new.

Utilizing An Emotional Diet- Part 1- Social Time

An essential part of our emotional diet involves the ways in which we connect to other people.  We are all social beings to some degree so that the ‘right’ amount of time spent socializing varies depending upon each individual person.  It is important, however, for all of us to include some amount of social time from week to week. 

How Do We Connect?

Many of us utilize social media such as Facebook and email to connect with others.  This can help us to remain up- to- date on what is happening in other people’s lives and to offer current information about our own happenings, however, we need to be careful not to replace face-to face encounters with technology.  As human beings, we are comprised of energy.  When we connect with someone while in that person’s presence, we are exchanging energy.  Sometimes, the connection is emotionally draining and we give out more energy than we receive.  Other times, a wonderful flow of energy occurs between people.  As energy is exchanged, we might feel ‘energized’ and inspired by the connection rather than depleted.  It is important to seek out and maintain these types of connections on a regular basis.

What Kinds of Connections?

Relationships can serve various purposes within our neighborhood, at work, or at school, however, we need to ensure that at least one of our connections centers on emotions.   As part of our emotional diet,  sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings with another person on a regular basis is essential. This person can function as a witness to our emotional struggles, help us to ‘contain’ overwhelming feelings, share similar struggles, and offer an alternative perspective on a troubling circumstance. When we are able to verbalize our feelings to another person, we often feel less confused and more in control of our inner world.  We are then less likely to act out in impulsive and unhealthy ways which enable us to avoid or distract ourselves from our true emotions.

The key to any diet, including an emotional one, is habit. 

When we incorporate healthy elements into our routine we will receive long- lasting benefits and be better prepared for the ups and downs that accompany us on life’s journey.

In the next chapter, we will explore the importance of ‘me’ time in our emotional diet.

Utilizing an Emotional Diet- Introduction

Many of us pay careful attention to our nutritional diet.  We cut portions, eat low-fat snacks, and try to squeeze in a salad here and there.   We are particular about the way our clothes fit, what the scale registers, and the ratio of fat to muscle tone.  Unfortunately, when it comes to our emotional health, many of us fail to expend the same amount of care.  Emotional health like our physical health requires conscious thought and effort in order for us to achieve our personal goals and to bring the best parts of ourselves into existence.  In the next few weeks we will work on creating and utilizing an emotional diet. 

 

Here are the essential elements:

• Social time

• Me time

• Learning Time

• Release Time

In the first chapter, we will look at the importance of social time in our emotional diet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to De-Stress with a Sensory 'Workout'

 

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally”.                                                                
                                                                                                                     -Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

Many of us are amazing planners.  We take a specific situation or issue, twist it, turn it, and flip it upside down until we end up with dozens of possible outcomes.  These ‘what if’ scenarios can help us to feel more in control of our world, however, when we get in the habit of OVER-thinking we may feel as though our thoughts are controlling us.   We often end up utilizing a great deal of mental energy and  feeling emotionally drained.  

Being mindful of our five senses -  sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch- can help us to reenergize, be in the present moment, and maintain clarity in our lives.  It keeps us ‘grounded’ within our bodies rather than lost and ‘floating’ in a sea of thoughts.  Thoughts are not tangible.  They exist within the complex space of our mind.  Our five senses keep us connected to what is happening in the real world at the present moment. This is called mindfulness.

HERE ARE SOME SENSORY 'WORKOUTS':

Gardening-   The ideal approach is to be outside where you can interact with the natural earth, however, if this is not possible, you can utilize pots/containers or just visit a local park or preserve.  A limited sensory experience is still better than none.  Be mindful of what you see such as the colors of the blooms, the myriad shades of green in the grass, shrubs, trees, and weeds, the color of the sky, and the way natural light interacts with the world around you, creating shadows and reflections.  Be mindful of what you smell such as the dampness of the soil, and sweetness of flowers.  Be mindful of what you hear such as the birds, insects, a breeze, your tools against the soil as you break up the earth, and branches scratching against one another.  Be mindful of what you can touch such as grass brushing against your feet or ankles, the smoothness of rocks and stones, the warmth of the sun and softness of the wind.

Sport or physical activity- It is most beneficial to choose a specific activity to focus on.  The type of environment will impact the quality of sensory stimulation.  For example, exercising indoors offers a different sensory experience than being at a park or a beach.  If the activity requires use of equipment, be mindful of the sound it makes such as a ball hitting a racket , the ground,  or your footwear.  Notice the sound of your breathing as your heart rate quickens.  Be mindful of what you see such as the goal or basket and the colors around you.  Be mindful of what you smell such as the natural odor of your sweat, and that of the environment.  Be mindful of what you taste as you rehydrate.  Notice the coolness of the beverage on your tongue and the back of your throat.

Cooking- It is most helpful to use natural fruits and vegetables and a wide variety of ingredients which offer a more stimulating sensory experience.  Limit the amount of extraneous stimuli so that you are most able to focus on the task at hand. Be mindful of what you see such as the colors, shapes, size/amount of the ingredients as well as the tools and containers used.  Be mindful of what you smell by selecting each item and taking in their scents individually as well as noticing the delicious smell of the final dish.  Be mindful of what you hear as you work such as the knife on the cutting board, the sizzle of oil, a spoon hitting against a bowl.  Be mindful of what you can touch such as the textures of the ingredients, the feel of the utensils, and the heat from the stove.  Also be aware of your body’s movements.  They may be repetitive, which can have a calming effect.  Be open to tasting each ingredient as you work. You can even extend your sensory experience and be mindful of your senses while you are eating your prepared dish.

Increasing mindfulness is a process that takes time and practice.  It is like building a muscle in the body.  We may struggle at first and need to work slowly, increasing our sensory ‘workout’ a little at a time.  If we stick with it, our mindfulness will deepen and our thoughts will intrude less and less.  It is important not to judge our efforts.  If our mind wanders, we can gently bring our focus back to the five senses and allow the experience to unfold as it will.

Relationships and the Nature of Nurturing

A healthy relationship is one that demonstrates the ability to change and grow.  We can look at it as a living organism that will not continue to function effectively without nurturing.  The positive effects of nurturing are directly related to the amount of effort we are willing to expend.  It is not enough for us to  feel a relationship is important.  We must act on our desire to achieve mutual fulfillment in our connections with others.

An activity that enables us to demonstrate nurturing is to grow a plant from seed.   It is not so important what kind of seed we choose from simple grass seed to a particular flower or herb.  The main thing is to commit to the task and to be present, mentally as well as physically.  

The steps necessary for growing a plant can be applied to the practice of nurturing our relationships. 

Gather tools/resources-  What do we need  to have in place in order to begin nurturing?  Just as we gather our packet of seeds, potting soil, supply of water, and pot/container, we need to gather our resources. Outer resources can include a session with a professional counselor, a more informal meeting with a close friend or mentor,  or a book, article, or internet blog on healthy relationship-building.  We can access our inner resources through specific activities that help us to be in tune with our inner selves such as, a meditation or self-relaxation practice, journal writing, or an artistic/creative project. What is essential is that we are able to nurtureourselves.  When we feel good about ourselves, we are better able to help others feel good about themselves. 

Seek the best light-  Positive thoughts directly influence how we feel about things.  Just as we need to place our seed container in a spot that offers the best sunlight, we need to see our relationship in the best light.  We can focus on the strengths of the other person and remind ourselves of what truly connects us to him/her.  This also applies to the relationship itself.  We might write down or just spend some time remembering those moments when the relationship felt most balanced and most fulfilling. Just as our little seeds will direct their energy toward warmth and light in order to grow, we must direct our will toward what is positive about each other in order for our relationship to grow toward its full potential.

Check in- It is helpful to remain mindful of the relationship.  If our intention is to help our seeds flourish, we must not leave their container on the windowsill, walk away, and ignore it.  Relationships require consistent care and attention.  It is important to check in with the other person and to actively listen to what his/her needs consistent of.  We then need to share our own needs and some of the ‘light’ that we experience through our connection to this person using either words or actions.

It is important to embrace the beauty of the process in our relationships and to view them as opportunities rather than final destinations. May this blog inspire us to plant the seeds of a new relationship or nurture the seeds of an existing one.

HAPPY SPRING!