How to De-Stress with a Sensory 'Workout'

 

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally”.                                                                
                                                                                                                     -Jon Kabat-Zinn

 

Many of us are amazing planners.  We take a specific situation or issue, twist it, turn it, and flip it upside down until we end up with dozens of possible outcomes.  These ‘what if’ scenarios can help us to feel more in control of our world, however, when we get in the habit of OVER-thinking we may feel as though our thoughts are controlling us.   We often end up utilizing a great deal of mental energy and  feeling emotionally drained.  

Being mindful of our five senses -  sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch- can help us to reenergize, be in the present moment, and maintain clarity in our lives.  It keeps us ‘grounded’ within our bodies rather than lost and ‘floating’ in a sea of thoughts.  Thoughts are not tangible.  They exist within the complex space of our mind.  Our five senses keep us connected to what is happening in the real world at the present moment. This is called mindfulness.

HERE ARE SOME SENSORY 'WORKOUTS':

Gardening-   The ideal approach is to be outside where you can interact with the natural earth, however, if this is not possible, you can utilize pots/containers or just visit a local park or preserve.  A limited sensory experience is still better than none.  Be mindful of what you see such as the colors of the blooms, the myriad shades of green in the grass, shrubs, trees, and weeds, the color of the sky, and the way natural light interacts with the world around you, creating shadows and reflections.  Be mindful of what you smell such as the dampness of the soil, and sweetness of flowers.  Be mindful of what you hear such as the birds, insects, a breeze, your tools against the soil as you break up the earth, and branches scratching against one another.  Be mindful of what you can touch such as grass brushing against your feet or ankles, the smoothness of rocks and stones, the warmth of the sun and softness of the wind.

Sport or physical activity- It is most beneficial to choose a specific activity to focus on.  The type of environment will impact the quality of sensory stimulation.  For example, exercising indoors offers a different sensory experience than being at a park or a beach.  If the activity requires use of equipment, be mindful of the sound it makes such as a ball hitting a racket , the ground,  or your footwear.  Notice the sound of your breathing as your heart rate quickens.  Be mindful of what you see such as the goal or basket and the colors around you.  Be mindful of what you smell such as the natural odor of your sweat, and that of the environment.  Be mindful of what you taste as you rehydrate.  Notice the coolness of the beverage on your tongue and the back of your throat.

Cooking- It is most helpful to use natural fruits and vegetables and a wide variety of ingredients which offer a more stimulating sensory experience.  Limit the amount of extraneous stimuli so that you are most able to focus on the task at hand. Be mindful of what you see such as the colors, shapes, size/amount of the ingredients as well as the tools and containers used.  Be mindful of what you smell by selecting each item and taking in their scents individually as well as noticing the delicious smell of the final dish.  Be mindful of what you hear as you work such as the knife on the cutting board, the sizzle of oil, a spoon hitting against a bowl.  Be mindful of what you can touch such as the textures of the ingredients, the feel of the utensils, and the heat from the stove.  Also be aware of your body’s movements.  They may be repetitive, which can have a calming effect.  Be open to tasting each ingredient as you work. You can even extend your sensory experience and be mindful of your senses while you are eating your prepared dish.

Increasing mindfulness is a process that takes time and practice.  It is like building a muscle in the body.  We may struggle at first and need to work slowly, increasing our sensory ‘workout’ a little at a time.  If we stick with it, our mindfulness will deepen and our thoughts will intrude less and less.  It is important not to judge our efforts.  If our mind wanders, we can gently bring our focus back to the five senses and allow the experience to unfold as it will.

Relationships and the Nature of Nurturing

A healthy relationship is one that demonstrates the ability to change and grow.  We can look at it as a living organism that will not continue to function effectively without nurturing.  The positive effects of nurturing are directly related to the amount of effort we are willing to expend.  It is not enough for us to  feel a relationship is important.  We must act on our desire to achieve mutual fulfillment in our connections with others.

An activity that enables us to demonstrate nurturing is to grow a plant from seed.   It is not so important what kind of seed we choose from simple grass seed to a particular flower or herb.  The main thing is to commit to the task and to be present, mentally as well as physically.  

The steps necessary for growing a plant can be applied to the practice of nurturing our relationships. 

Gather tools/resources-  What do we need  to have in place in order to begin nurturing?  Just as we gather our packet of seeds, potting soil, supply of water, and pot/container, we need to gather our resources. Outer resources can include a session with a professional counselor, a more informal meeting with a close friend or mentor,  or a book, article, or internet blog on healthy relationship-building.  We can access our inner resources through specific activities that help us to be in tune with our inner selves such as, a meditation or self-relaxation practice, journal writing, or an artistic/creative project. What is essential is that we are able to nurtureourselves.  When we feel good about ourselves, we are better able to help others feel good about themselves. 

Seek the best light-  Positive thoughts directly influence how we feel about things.  Just as we need to place our seed container in a spot that offers the best sunlight, we need to see our relationship in the best light.  We can focus on the strengths of the other person and remind ourselves of what truly connects us to him/her.  This also applies to the relationship itself.  We might write down or just spend some time remembering those moments when the relationship felt most balanced and most fulfilling. Just as our little seeds will direct their energy toward warmth and light in order to grow, we must direct our will toward what is positive about each other in order for our relationship to grow toward its full potential.

Check in- It is helpful to remain mindful of the relationship.  If our intention is to help our seeds flourish, we must not leave their container on the windowsill, walk away, and ignore it.  Relationships require consistent care and attention.  It is important to check in with the other person and to actively listen to what his/her needs consistent of.  We then need to share our own needs and some of the ‘light’ that we experience through our connection to this person using either words or actions.

It is important to embrace the beauty of the process in our relationships and to view them as opportunities rather than final destinations. May this blog inspire us to plant the seeds of a new relationship or nurture the seeds of an existing one.

HAPPY SPRING!

 

 

The Keystones of a Healthy Relationship

When we are beginning a relationship, re-defining an established one, or expanding our support network, it is helpful to identify our non-negotiables.  These are relationship elements that we are not willing to do without or compromise on. They are like keystones. When we look at ancient Greek architecture we see beautiful stone archways that are still standing today.  They were engineered using a system in which a larger keystone was wedged into the center of the smaller stones to create thrust. The pressure of each stone against the other created a sort of ‘glue’ that made the arch strong and kept it from falling apart.   While relationships vary, there are specific elements- big, solid keystones- which keep our relationships strong and intact over time.

HERE ARE EXAMPLES OF NON-NEGOTIABLES:

Say what you mean, mean what you say- This relationship element is essential to the development of trust.  When we trust another we feel emotionally secure.  We challenge trust in us when we yes when we mean no and vice versa.  When someone accepts a specific response from us, we cause confusion when our attitude and behavior reflect the opposite. It is then difficult for others to trust our words. 

Acknowledge what is positive - We can ask ourselves, ‘Does this person make me feel good about who I am as a unique and separate human being?  A long-lasting relationship is one that enables us to actualize our skills, knowledge, and natural abilities in order to continue growing emotionally.  We challenge this growth in another person when we fail to recognize and encourage his/her strengths. This keeps the person ‘stuck’ emotionally and the relationship suffers.

Put love into action- In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, Stephen Covey discusses the definition of the word ‘love’ as a verb, not a noun.  Love is expressed by what we do for others, the sacrifices we are willing to make.  This relationship element becomes challenged when we stop paying attention to the little things that matter so much.  We do not have to throw someone an extravagant party, buy an expensive gift, or plan an extensive vacation to a faraway destination.  When small, everyday acts of kindness become a consistent part of our interactions, we let others know that they are important to us.  Here are some ideas:

• Mail or email a ‘thinking of you’ card or give someone a ‘just checking in’ call.

• Make a thank you more than just words and send a card, special email, or make a specific phone call to express it.

• Share what you have in your life.   Lend a book, magazine, DVD, or article of clothing someone admires.

• Have a special object that symbolizes the care and concern that is shared in the relationship and trade it back/forth whenever one of you needs it most and is facing a difficult challenge.

The dynamic or energy that is generated as these relationship elements- keystones- are exchanged between us is the ‘glue’ that enables our relationships to endure over time.

May we all work toward identifying and honoring our non-negotiables as we build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

 

 

 

Accepting Help from Others- Part 2- How Givers Benefit

For those of us who become anxious about accepting assistance and who tend to avoid ‘bothering’ others, it is important to understand that our helpers benefit when we accept their assistance graciously and express heartfelt gratitude. 

Empowerment- When we are exposed to an individual or group of individuals who are struggling and in crisis, we may feel compassion, sadness, empathy.  These emotions can motivate us to carry out acts of kindness.  When our efforts are ‘blocked’ by another person’s refusal to accept help, we often feel helpless and ineffective.  When individuals accept assistance, they are empowering the giver as well as themselves.  Stephen Covey, best-selling author of the book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” calls this a WIN-WIN situation. 

Mind/Body Health- We now know that giving to others affects brain chemicals in a healthy way.  When an exchange of kindness takes place between individuals, serotonin, the chemical which boosts our mood, is increased for both the giver and the receiver.  Endorphines are released as well, which help us to feel pleasure and decrease our sensitivity to pain.  All of this leads up to a healthier immune system.  When we accept help from others, we offer the givers an opportunity to experience mind/body health.  To read more on this, check out Wayne Dyer’s book, “The Power of Intention”.

Increased Social Network- Very often, the most sincere and timely assistance comes from people we hardly know or have a limited acquaintance with.  Offering assistance shows care and concern and can be a way for someone, who is unsure of themselves or the status of a relationship, to initiate a connection.  Accepting help from these individuals offers the givers, as well as ourselves, the opportunity to develop a brand-new relationship or to deepen an existing one. 

May we all embrace opportunities for exchanges of kindness to happen and the chance to deepen our faith in and our compassion toward other human beings.

 

 

 

Overcoming Resistance to Change- Part 2- How Resistance Expresses Itself

Now that we have explored the emotional blocks that can hinder change in our lives, it is important to identify the ways in which our resistance expresses itself.  In order to work on getting unblocked, we need to become more aware of when resistance occurs.

HERE ARE SOME SIGNS THAT CAN INDICATE RESISTANCE:

Consistent use of the phrase “I know”- When we are unhappy or dissatisfied with our present circumstance, we often complain to other people, venting our frustration.  Consequently, our listener often interjects with a suggestion or encouragement about how we might make a change.    If we automatically respond with “I know”, but really don’t, this can be a way of avoiding further talk of change.  We may also truly know about what the other person is suggesting, but have not been able to act on it.  This can signify the conflict, described in the previous chapter, between our intellectual functioning and our emotional readiness to enact change.

Creating Obstacles- Whenever we step outside of what is familiar, we encounter ‘newness’.  However, our perception of what is new directly influences our ability to take a step.  Do we interpret the unfamiliar as an obstacle to achieving our goal or as a challenge which will ultimately help us to learn a new skill, develop a new talent, or add to our existing knowledge? When we learn about ways to change our situation for the better, do we find obstacles to each action?  Obstacles very often validate our fear of change and become reasons not to move forward.

Over-researching/Over-preparing- It can be beneficial to gather information and resources prior to making a change in our circumstance, however, when this step extends past a reasonable period of time, we may be avoiding making progress toward our goal. There comes a time to take action whether we feel prepared or not.  It can be helpful to establish a specific time frame as we move toward change.   

Any act of change requires an element of faith- in ourselves, other people, and the universe.  We can never know if a certain step will change our lives for the better if we do not act.

**This post can help us to think about the way our own resistance shows itself. If you would like to share your thoughts and reactions, feel free to post a comment below.

In the next chapter, we will look at ways to work through our fear in order to move forward.