Nurturing the Self- Part 1

Addiction often interferes in a person’s self-care and, as the addiction progresses, prevents a person from meeting even his/her most basic needs. When growing up in a family  where a member struggles with addiction, it becomes necessary for others to devote much time, energy, and emotion toward taking care of that person.  All members naturally adjust in order to keep the system running, however that may require each person setting aside his/her own needs. 

The ‘part’ of the Self that takes care of others can be termed the Nurturer.  This part helps us to meet the physical and emotional needs of other people, however, its purpose is also to help us take care of the Self.  In order to live a balanced life, we need ask ourselves, "Is the Nurturer part allowing us to meet our own needs in a sufficient way. 

Some signs that indicate we may not be sufficiently caring for ourselves are:

• Feeling emotionally/physically drained

• Experiencing chronic muscle tension

• Having difficulty falling asleep or sleeping through the night without feeling rested

• Having scattered thoughts or feeling ‘all over the place’

• Feeling lonely or bored even while in the company of others

• Fantasizing/Daydreaming about starting a new life somewhere else

We can begin to become more connected to the  Nurturer part by observing how we take care of others, such as providing emotional support by being non-judgmental and compassionate, cooking a meal, returning a phone call, picking up something at the store for someone else.  Once we are able to recognize all of the ways in which we nurture others we can then transfer that energy toward the Self. 

In part two of this post, we will explore how self-criticism plays a role in our lives and how the nurturer can counteract that.