What's the Message? Part 2- Reducing Negative Messages

We receive negative messages from a variety of sources.  Television news, radio, newspapers/journals, email notifications, neighbors, co-workers, friends, family members. For some of us, repeating negative messages to others can become a way to socialize and make chit-chat, however, the impact this has on our psyche is no less potent than watching the local news channel air one tragic event after another.  Rather than comprehensive and thorough coverage of an issue, the most shocking or attention-grabbing aspects are often highlighted. Issues are, essentially, ‘dumped’ on us, resulting in a sense of powerlessness.  Sources may offer a sentence or two, a soundbyte or headline only without exploration or a call to action.

Here are some ways to limit our daily intake of negative messages:

• Keep superficial chit chat to a minimum or maneuver it toward more inspiring headlines, witticisms or humor.

• Limit contact with those individuals who complain often or who make generalizations about the world and human nature based on isolated incidents portrayed in the news.

• Allot one specific ‘news session’ per day utilizing any one source or combination of sources and limit it to 20 minutes or less. Set a timer if necessary.

• Refrain from keeping the television on as background noise.  Only turn it on when you intend to sit and watch a specific program. When the program is finished, turn the television off.

• Turn down the volume or walk away during television commercial breaks which primarily offer products/services to minimize or eliminate something negative/undesirable about us; thin/dull hair, yellow teeth, poor memory, etc. or to convince us that life would be better if we owned certain things; faster car, more powerful appliance, bigger television, etc.

In the next chapter, we will look at ways to ‘feed’ our brain positive and empowering messages.

 

 

 

                                                                                                                                                               

 

 

 

What's the Message? Part 1- Increasing Awareness

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

                                                                                                         -Buddha

The first step toward creating a more positive mindset is to increase awareness of negative messages.  We can do this by becoming more mindful. To be mindful is to be fully present and aware of one’s own state of being in a given moment.  When we increase our mindfulness, we increase our ability to recognize when we are taking in information.  It is common for many of us to hear the radio, but not actually listen or to watch the television/computer, but not see the true content.   Technology can provide background ‘noise’ which fills the quiet space conducive to mindfulness.  It is important to remember that whether we are conscious of the information our brain is taking in or not, it is getting in there and impacting our thoughts/feelings about ourselves and the world we live in.

An effective way to begin practicing mindfulness is to focus on the senses.  We ‘sense’ in the moment, not the past or the future.  Throughout the day, we can stop for one or two minutes and do a sensing ‘scan’.

 Here are some questions we can ask:

What am I hearing? Try shifting this sense from the immediate environment, like the room, train car, or automobile you are occupying to the broader world outside.

What am I seeing?  Am I gazing into the distance without focus, staring at a computer screen, or seeing images in my mind of a past experience or a place I would rather be at the moment.

What am I touching?  Be aware of the physical points where your body makes contact with the material world, such as thighs resting on the chair seat, elbows on armrests, etc.  Try closing your eyes and sensing your feet (ideal situation- to be shoeless with feet planted flat on the ground) then continue upward through the body. 

What am I smelling?   Be aware of the smells around you by identifying them without judgment. 

What am I tasting?  If applicable, savor the flavor of whatever you are eating/drinking by slowing down and identifying each step- i.e. the fork/container touching your lips, chewing, swallowing, etc.

It important to keep in mind that there is no ‘right’ way to be mindful as long as we increase, by some degree, our awareness of the present moment.  Once we are aware, we can then reduce negative messages in order to make 'room' for more positive information.

In the next chapter, we will look at ways to reduce our intake of negative messages.

 

What's the Message? Introduction to Creating a Positive Mindset

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”

                                                                             -Norman Vincent Peale

Maintaining a positive state of mind can be challenging in today’s society. Messages of destruction, despair, and injustice are abundant.  They can be found in the written and spoken word and in images real or imagined.  We take in information and our brain processes it whether or not we are conscious of it, so that the very first step toward creating a more positive mindset is to increase awareness.  Just as it is important to be aware of the food we put into our bodies to digest, it is equally important to be aware of what kind of ‘food’ we allow our brains to digest. 

In the next few weeks we will explore how to create a more positive mindset using the following approach:

1.       Increasing awareness of when our brain is receiving negative and disempowering messages.

2.       Limiting the amount of negative messages we are exposed to throughout the day.

3.       Consciously ‘feeding’ our brains positive and empowering messages.

In the next chapter, we will look at ways to increase our awareness and be more present.

 

 

 

 

A Life of Pie

Creating life balance can be a challenge for most people. For those of us struggling with codependency it can be a battle.  We, most likely, become hyper-focused on one person, situation, or activity, channeling all of our time, energy, and thought into one area of our life.  If we wind up neglecting all else, we prevent ourselves from expanding, as they say, our ‘horizons’.  The common adage, “Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket” warns against this.  Why?  In order to grow emotionally and to actualize our talents, skills, and knowledge, it is necessary to ‘stretch’ by trying new activities, taking on new projects, and forming new connections,  then incorporating them into a ‘life pie’.  This builds our reservoir of emotional resiliency, which is like a mental immune system.  It enables us to bounce back from disappointments, losses, and the various changes that life inevitably throws our way.  Rather than becoming devastated and ‘stuck’ when things don’t work out in one area of our life, we can continue to function in other areas, maintaining a sense of competence and positive energy.

If our life here on earth is a pie, then our job is to work on dividing our pie into multiple slices or areas of activity.  We need to consider the size of each slice or how much space we want it to occupy.  This correlates to the amount of time and effort we expend on a particular area and the importance we assign to it.  It is necessary to keep the size of our slices flexible as life changes occur, altering our responsibilities, interests, and relationships.  We may need to eliminate, replace, or add new slices.  

 

Here are some basic slices our life pie might include:

	Family Relationships  Peer Relationships  Relationship with Significant Other  Work/School  Leisure Activities/Personal Interests

 

 

 Just as it is important to include fresh, tasty, and healthful ingredients in an edible pie, consider the quality of what is inside each slice of our life pie.  Do the ingredients fulfill the purpose of that particular slice or could it be made more filling?  If we find that we are not expending our total effort in a certain area, maybe it is because the quality of the ‘ingredients’ is lacking and fails to motivate or inspire us.  For example, we may find that a particular relationship is no longer as fulfilling as it was several years ago when we were at a different place in our life.  We can add new ingredients or elements to the existing relationship or let go of them and start fresh with a new relationship.  Maybe we have advanced beyond our current yoga class and feel bored or unmotivated.  We can add ingredients by having a friend join us in the class, switching instructors, or trying an entirely new form of exercise/relaxation.

Consider the quantity of ingredients in each slice of our life pie.  This relates to the thickness of our slices.  Are they filled adequately or superficially, made up mostly of outer crust?  A slice may seem packed with flavorful ingredients, but when we look closer, beneath the surface, there is not enough filling.  We may want to reduce the size or percentage that slice occupies in our life pie or keep it the same size, but add some more filling to it. For example, we may want to continue devoting the same time and energy to our yoga practice, but make it ‘thicker’ by switching to a more advanced class or transferring to a different yoga studio with new instructors and students.

Consider the overall taste of each slice.  Does it cause a fresh, new, make-your-taste-buds-tingle sensation or is it the same old flavor?  Do we even notice the taste or are we going through the motions of chewing, swallowing, etc.  Sometimes, it helps to increase our mindfulness and to be more in the present moment to know how or, even, if a relationship, activity, or project is still having a positive impact on us.  We may need to take a short break when something tastes stale, add new ingredients, or eliminate that slice altogether. For example, we may be going to work each day, repeating the same routine, not being challenged, and checking out mentally and emotionally as we perform our job duties.  We may want to ask for a promotion, add new job duties, seek other employment, or decrease the size of this slice and go back to school part-time. 

The two most important things to keep in mind as we build up and explore our life pie are:

·         Be flexible and embrace options

·         Celebrate the process and know there is something to be gained  from each experience

May we cherish each moment- taking pleasure in the one slice sitting before us, just waiting for us to take a bite!

Feel free to share about your own 'life pie' and how it is both challenging and rewarding by posting a comment below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Year of Putting Love into Action

“Love is something you do:  the sacrifices you make, the giving of self…Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions.”

                       -          Stephen Covey

 

Most of us are familiar with the standard resolution list created at the beginning of each New Year.  It is primarily filled with specific ideas and tasks that we wish to accomplish in order to live happier, healthier, more productive lives.  However, what if we were to create a different list this year?  One focused on what we can accomplish in our relationships with other people?

Essentially, the question would be:  what can I do for others that will create/maintain more loving connections?

Putting love into action does not mean becoming a whole new person or ignoring our own needs/wants.  It means being more aware of what love ‘looks’ like in our daily lives and, when not present, making it visible.  

Here are some ideas to help us put love into action:

Do more and talk less- We’ve all  heard the cliché, ‘talk is cheap’ and it really is in terms of how much we give of ourselves when we use words instead of actions.  It ‘costs’ less mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical energy.  Someone who talks about taking a step to move forward- when they want to do it, how they will do it, etc. but never takes the step will most probably never see it actualized.  The same is true of someone who talks about wanting a closer, more loving, more supportive relationship, but never takes the steps to be closer, more loving, or more supportive.  He/she will likely never see it happen in real life. 

Think small-  Putting love into action is most effective when practiced on a regular basis.  It does not need to involve an expensive gift, a lavish party, or a public spectacle. Those are occasions, special moments that signify time away from the normal routine.  Our resolution is about consistent acts of kindness-  small, everyday moments that create a smile, brighten a day, or cause a pleasant surprise.  

Know your truth-  It is important to do away with our own expectations and to listen to our gut or intuition- the voice inside that says something feels right.  If we are true to ourselves, an act of love will have meaning and positive value whether or not it is accepted, acknowledged, or reciprocated by others.  William Shakespeare wrote in the 16^th century: “Above all, to thine own self be true.”  

May the new year bring us opportunities to put love into action and to build healthier, more fulfilling connections with others.

Feel free to share your own thoughts and reactions to creating more loving connections with other people by posting a comment below.