Live and Learn

As a member of this 'information age', you may pride yourself on being a highly-skilled planner and expert researcher, gathering information through google searches, consulting with friends, family members, and professionals, and weighing all the pros and cons before moving forward toward a goal. The truth is, most, if not all, of your learning and personal growth is the result of taking action. Consider the value of 'going with your gut' and diving into an experience. Here are a few reasons why you may be over-preparing:

·         To prevent making a ‘mistake’ or ‘failing’

·         To ensure there are no surprises and, if there are, to be ready for them

·         To eliminate feeling solely responsible for your actions if things do not work out

 All of the above share a common underlying factor-  FEAR.  There is a certain amount of planning that is beneficial to your endeavors, however, when this becomes excessive, you may be allowing fear to take control  and procrastination to set in.

Let's look at 2 common learning experiences for children- swimming and riding a bike.  A child could read many books on these subjects that help to understand how a bike is constructed, the science of motion and types of swim strokes and swimming gear.  None of this will actually help a child to swim or ride a bike.  Knowledge comes, essentially, from doing engaging in the active process. The child's degree of success increases each time the child ‘fails’, reflects on the result, and then makes the necessary adjustments.

These adjustments may be physical, such as shifting body weight or relaxing certain muscles; cognitive, like making connections- i.e. ‘when I move my arms like this, then this happens’; and emotional, such as reducing anxiety or frustration by taking a break and a few deep breaths.

You can also apply this process to building relationships: taking an action and engaging with someone new, then ‘failing’ in certain situations, reflecting on the result, like ‘did this help us to connect more?’ or ‘do I understand his/her perspective better?’, and finally, making adjustments to your words and actions. Ultimately, the only way to learn how to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship is to simply BE in relationship with other people. 

When you step out of your comfort zone and set out to experience a new relationship, skill, or interest it is helpful to be aware of hidden fears.  This awareness can benefit you more than all of the research and advice gathered. In fact, looking inward can be an integral part of the preparation process. 

It is important to remind ourselves that whatever outcome our actions create, there is always something to be learned.