Our same ability to believe in ‘magic’ may have been used by
us as children facing a crisis, trauma, or chronic stress. Children are, essentially, powerless, relying
on the adults around them. When these
adults end up being in crisis or chaos, a child’s fear and confusion can become
so overwhelming that he/she attempts to gain control the only way possible-
through his/her own thoughts. Through
the use of ‘magical thinking’, a child believes that he/she can control when
good/bad things happen. This is
demonstrated when a child becomes angry with a parent and in that instant the
thought arises- ‘ I wish he/she wasn’t my mom/dad.’ If something unfortunate happens to that
parent later on, the child often believes he/she caused it to occur because of
‘bad’ thoughts.
Another way this is demonstrated is when a child must face a
scary situation, like going to the dentist or getting a shot at the
doctor. If the parent is struggling, in
crisis, or just does not have the knowledge or tools to soothe and comfort, the
child will instinctively do something with his/her feelings of anxiety. Through ‘magical thinking’, the child builds
the scenario up in his/her mind, imagining the worst, hoping deep down that
this will actually make the experience/outcome less awful.
As adults, ‘magical thinking’ often comes into play when we
think over and over that something bad will happen with the hope that the
opposite will occur. Later on we can
tell ourselves, “see, it really wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated.” In a way, it gives us a sense that we are
preparing for the worst. This
perpetuates a scenario in which we enter uncomfortable/frightening situations
from a place of consistent anxiety and disempowerment.
In truth, rather than decreasing our anxiety, ‘magical
thinking’ actually maintains a feeling of anxiety over issues beyond our
control. The constant thinking can
preoccupy us and prevent us from attending to the tasks at hand. Realistically, there is no ‘magic’ to our
thoughts and, ultimately, we end up feeling physically and emotionally drained,
which, in turn, makes us more susceptible to symptoms of anxiety.
We can empower ourselves and increase our resiliency, the
ability to bounce back from difficulties, by identifying and working with our FEELINGS,
rather than focusing mainly on our thoughts.
Our thoughts often distract us from our true emotions. Emotions occur within our bodies, therefore,
engaging in an exercise which brings awareness to the body is most
helpful.
Here is a deep breathing and
visualization exercise that can be helpful:
CLOSE
your eyes and place both palms on your diaphragm, the space between your
stomach and chest. BREATHE in through
your nose with your mouth closed. As you
breathe in, extend/push out your diaphragm, feeling the expansion with your
palms. Hold for 3-5 seconds, then exhale
slowly through your mouth as if you are blowing through a straw. LISTEN to your breath as you release it, and notice
your diaphragm contract. Repeat a few
full sets and, when comfortable, add visualization. As you breathe in, VISUALIZE clear, (or choose
a color you connect with healing), cleansing air filling your lungs. As you hold for the count of 3-5, imagine
this air swirling or bubbling within you and mixing with the anxious
energy. Try to give this energy a color
that you associate with anxiety/fear.
Then, as you blow out see, in your mind’s eye, the anxiety as air moving
upward from your lungs, into your throat, your mouth, and out of your body as
you blow it into the atmosphere.
It may take a few tries before we feel comfortable engaging
in a relaxation exercise, however, there is no way to get it ‘wrong’. We can do what feels right to us and keep in
mind that, even though magical thinking is familiar, it is not truly helpful.
May we let go of those habits that do not benefit us and find peace and fulfillment
this holiday season.
