"Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world".
-
Gautama Buddha
When we speak our truth without intent to control, change,
or manipulate someone else, we are honoring ourselves and others. Each one of us has a voice. For some, it is
quiet and not often heard, for others it is frequent and deafening at
times. Finding a balance between the two
can be challenging, therefore, speaking our truth is both an art and a skill.
The
following can be helpful in developing the ability to speak our truth:
Know Your Gut- Before we can speak our truth, we need to
first know what that is. The body never
lies. It speaks to us if we are able to
stop and listen. Some people literally feel
the truth in their gut, some feel it in another part of the body, like the area
around the heart. Many people feel it in their jaw muscles and throat. We can
lay down or sit with our back straight and scan our body. With eyes closed, we start at the top of the
head and work our way down, noticing any sensations; tightness, discomfort, heaviness. These sensations can be our body’s way of
saying that something needs to be voiced.
The body often holds on to the truth until we are able to ‘get it out’
and put it into words. It is important
to note that speaking our truth can be achieved through the written word as
well.
Utilize ‘I’ Statements- Our words of truth need to be expressed in a healthy way that
demonstrates self-respect and respect for others. Words of truth do not blame, criticize, or
shame other people. They reflect our own thoughts and feelings ONLY. For example, rather than saying, “You are
always doing things that make me feel unwanted” one can say, “I feel unwanted when
you answer your phone while I am speaking.”
Not only does the latter statement utilize “I”, it also gives specific
information about the circumstance. This
prevents confusion and leaves little room for interpretation. It is clear and direct.
Let Go of Expectations- We can remind
ourselves that our primary purpose is to put our truth out there without
expecting anything in return. The other
person may not be able to respond in kind and that is okay. If we keep the focus on ourselves, we can
then experience the sense of freedom and empowerment that comes from using our
voice in a kind and purposeful way.
Allow Distance- It is important to give someone else the time
and space to process our words of truth.
We may want the other person to respond/react to what we have shared
right in that moment. Each brain is
different and some brains need more time and space than others to process
information, especially if the information triggers strong emotion or is
unfamiliar. A good reminder of this is
the phrase: “Sleep on it.” If it is one of the first times we have
decided to speak our truth, the other person may not know what to do with it in
the moment. Both individuals are sharing
in a new experience and may need time to incorporate a truth into what they
already know about one other. In the
long run, this will foster healing for both parties.
May we all find our own truths, the courage to voice them,
and the willingness to embrace freedom.
